Eventually, I guess I took the easy option and became a teacher. And that’s certainly not to say that being a teacher is easy, but for me at least, going into education, as opposed to continuing my studies and progressing into research or something, was the safer choice. It’s funny – when I was younger, I vowed never to become a teacher, and yet here I am. I don’t necessarily regret my choice, but for a long time I have begun to miss the whole student experience. I think for me though, the thing I miss most is having a definite, clear-cut goal, doing something different every year. As a student, my goal was to study. To learn. It gave me a purpose. Being a teacher can be fulfilling, but more often than not, you’re repeating the same thing year after year, where a majority of students have little interest or inclination in the areas that I teach.
The one thing I always wanted, in life, was to make a difference. To do something great enough that it could have a widespread impact. To help people. And I ultimately fear that what I am currently doing will have very little impact. Even the Outlet – oh how I love it – will likely only cause a very small ripple outside of Durénnmørk. To be fair, The Lonely Outlet was never intended to really have any major lasting impacts on the world at large. It’s not like the magazine can or has contributed to the curing of cancer. It’s my own little slice of fun and catharsis though, and perhaps the one project that I will continue for the rest of my days.
Most of my memories from the past are now tinted in a bright light. How I sometimes long to be back there, young and with so much potential. When I was perhaps less cynical about things than I am now. Even the bad times, when I felt things could never get any worse – I would relive every one of those memories again and again, if given the chance.
But of course, we cannot relive the past, outside of our own minds. We are stuck here, moving forward into the future. And you know what? I imagine there’s a very high likelihood that I’ll look back at this specific time, maybe this specific day, and remember it fondly. Wish I was back here again. That is the way of memories.
And so, what is there to do? Endlessly pondering my naval achieves nothing, despite being my favourite pastime. Which is why I am, for the first time in many years, seriously considering going back to study, in one form or another. And also why, despite more than a year off, the Lonely Outlet English edition website has suddenly come back from death.
There are many things that I have and still do want to do. And all my ramblings will not change the fact that I have still not done them. Only actions speak… and maybe this is a little ironic – I have just spent a good 700 words or so waxing poetic about the past, and perhaps about what I will do… and ultimately all this means nothing unless I actually do something about it. I find it funny too.
But hey, I felt like it was time for a return of the classic Lonely Outlet incredibly self-indulgent piece, where very little is said in a very large number of words.
You thought this magazine was meant to be about video games, or movies or something? Didn’t we all.
But the piece is not done yet. Before I go out, and brave the harsh Durénnmørk Winter cold, I wanted to mention that these pieces really do have a mind of their own. When I started writing today, I actually intended to talk about nostalgia and video games – how games from our formative years seem so much better. And I would discuss specific titles, and systems and how much they mean to me… And look what we got. Not a single game even mentioned! Sometimes, that is the way.
But hey, so it’s not an entire loss – that new Kirby game – coming out in a couple of months? Count me IN!
Until next time dear friends!
Regards from your buddy,